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in the rat-tunnels by ~MisterMatchett:iconMisterMatchett:



gracefully alleyway you flicked the telly
on! and perched by the window to
listen soundwaves "we are not sure of
how many deaths seven-hundred casualties
afraid of rodents corpses tunnels we are not
humbled this town is resilient"

to recover lost time or bricks crumble
and we toss plaster overboard to make
a cement sea. walk above saltfish
your ideals ethically spotless we thought
it was dawn sidewalk empty morning.

I am a vacuum. watch me
create weightless dust a tawny
lady was insecure and tasted
like toothpaste and ran out the
door to kiss delicate on the front porch
and twist a gentle wrist around the
goldmining moths white wings black soot under
neath the village.

let down your high seats for the old - I
am arrogant and tight-fitted oh the comet's
path past milky way for center of the
universe a wise decision a pretty girl
do you know where this ship is sailing.
©2005-2009 ~MisterMatchett
:iconmistermatchett:

Author's Comments

I'm afraid my poetry will go nowhere-----------and is all so similar. yell at me!

Comments


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:iconhellfire812:
Oh...wow :D Very cool. I like the cold hard feeling I get from it. It isn't all the same, this is by far an original achievement.

--
"I have Dalinian thought: the one thing the world will never have enough of is the outrageous."
:iconmirrormaul:
damn dude, the first and second stanza reminds me of "the Wall" by Pink Floyd, but has a very individual view in that sense... It goes on to something much different though... and I can't quite tell what it is.

I really like it, you hint at what might be going on and use such cold and blunt words that I would like to call, abstrastically logical? IS THAT EVEN A WORD?! nevermind...

it's a dam good poem though... good job!

--
Peace, Love and Chaos.
:icontheverybest:
uh, dustin, why did i not know you were a really good poet? WAY TO KEEP SECRETS

for critique, um, i think all your lines here are kind of too much the same length (visually) (unless you want them that way) and there should be a little more contrasting punctuation-- and Capitals-- and
little
lines
with lots of
meaning!
(but maybe that's just me.)

Details

July 27, 2005
1.1 KB

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